To post or not to post...

So...here's the deal: I have gone back and forth about a hundred times as to whether or not I should post this on my blog. I have been reading it and editing it, and saving it and coming back to it...I guess we'll see what I really think when I get to the end of writing and have to decide whether or not to click "publish post". :)

All of this is probably going to come out in one big jumbled mess. So, take it or leave it. If you feel like it's TMI, feel free to sit this one out. I promise I won't be offended. I am (I think!) going to post this and any subsequent posts in order to keep people in the loop about our third pregnancy. And, more than that, we would love to ask for your prayers.

As most of you know, our ultrasound showed that we have another healthy baby boy on the way! Praise God!

It also showed that I have a Placenta Previa.

I would link to something that tells you more about what that means, except that I don't like reading about medical issues online. Too scary. :)

Here's the gist of the situation: As of right now, the placenta is completely covering the cervix, so unless my uterus grows in such a way that the placenta moves, baby can't get out that way. The doctors say that it's not likely the placenta will move at this point in the pregnancy.


We say God can do anything.


So, we are hopeful (not hoping) - I am learning there is a difference. We are hopeful because God is good all the time. We are hopeful that God will move the placenta and that we will be able to have a natural delivery.

If God chooses not to change our circumstances, (and in that case, we will not be hopeless, because God is unchanging...remember, He's good all the time?) that will mean that baby will be delivered via C-section. It also means that I may have to be on bed rest towards the end of the pregnancy. Regardless of what God does or allows, we trust that it is all in His plan.

In the mean time, I am supposed to be taking it easy. I am not allowed to lift my children, or do anything strenuous. I am still trying to figure out what that means considering I live with Roman and Judah. :)

I would be lying if I said I'm not scared. I would love to say that I am totally at peace and willing to go wherever God will lead us...but fear is, for me, the biggest way that Satan tries to get me to doubt God. Just the thought or mention of a possible complication makes me my mind reel in images, scenarios, and worst-case thoughts. Throw in words like "placental abruption", "hemorrhage", or "dangerous for mom and baby" and...well...I have to stop and remind myself to breathe normally again.

How likely are any of those complications? I don't know. And I'm not really interested in finding out. Because, honestly, it doesn't matter. God will have his way in this no matter what the statistics show. And that's what we want anyway.

This has been a difficult thing for me to write about and talk with people about - not because I don't feel comfortable sharing, but because I'm afraid that people will think I'm being over dramatic or that I will come off as either naive or not trusting God enough. The reality is, in a few weeks, I might be saying "scratch that...none of this is even an issue anymore!" I would love to honor God by showing that he is faithful to us in that way. But if he chooses to be faithful to us in another way, in a way that people don't necessarily understand to be "answered prayer", I want to honor Him then, too.

Does any of this even make any sense? In one sentence I say how much I trust God, and in the next, I say how scared I am? Is that even possible? Am a total hypocrite? Is it both or neither?

I just know that I honestly feel both.

So there ya have it.

We have another ultrasound and doctor's appointment on Monday, and again 4 weeks after that, so I'll update again as I know more. We are anxious to see how God will move in our lives and in the life of this sweet little guy. Please pray that He will be glorified in our family, no matter the situation.

"pray for me...that I won't spoil God's beautiful work." - Mother Theresa