Wants and Needs

I want to be seen.
I want to be important.
I want to be wanted.
I want to be heard.
I want to be treasured.
I want to be liked.
I want to be needed.
I want to be praised.
I want to be right.
I want to be valued.
I want to be in control.
I want to be on my A game.
I want to be neat, tidy, perfect, pretty.
I want to seem holy, patient, loving, giving.
I want people to talk about the good in me.

But it's not about me.
And it's not about what I want.

What I NEED is to see HIM.  In everyone, in every place, in every circumstance.
I need to make others feel how important they are to God.
I need to want Him above all else.  I need to want Him more than I want what he can give me.  
I need to hear, no, really LISTEN to the cries of the souls I encounter everyday.
I need to treasure His presence.
I need to like doing His will, even when it means I am not liked by those who might disagree.
I need to need Jesus...to need mercy, to need forgiveness, to need help.
I need to praise Him with every word, with every action.
I need to be right only about His goodness.
I need to value humility, service, suffering, grace.
I need to be under His control.  Every moment, every decision.
I need to recognize that failing is my chance to rely on His strength.
I need to be messy...shedding blood, sweat, and tears for the Kingdom.
I need to claim my imperfection so I can proclaim His redemption.
I need the beauty that comes from fearing The Lord.
I need to stop caring about SEEMING any particular way, and start being obedient to what He is asking me to do.  Lord, make me who you created me to be.
I DON'T need people to talk about me.

I want people to talk about HIM.

Sent from my iPad


The one I wrote a month ago.

oh, hey...

Sometimes I remember that I have a blog.

Sometimes I go to write on said blog and Blogger is being a jerk.

So then I send myself an e-mail and hope that tomorrow I still remember I have a blog.

Really, though, I miss writing.  One of these days I'm going to figure out how to make a habit of it.

August was a month of lots of visiting with family and friends.  And finally getting around to ordering homeschool materials and planning a little bit for this school year.  And then September rolled around and we actually started school.  It's going really well so far.  Except that when I start homeschooling in the fall, I kind of forget how to clean the house.  I mean, I remember that I have to spray vinegar and wipe with a rag...it's more that I forget how to make time to teach the children AND clean the house during the day.  Oh, and dinner.  People around here want to eat all the time!  (myself included).  So, I have to relearn how to make that happen while teaching and cleaning.

I really love teaching and so teaching my kids is such a joy for me (most of the time).  Let's not pretend we don't have bad days or unproductive days or days when sending them away for eight hours sounds very appealing.  But, I love getting to see the ah-ha moments, getting to hear them making connections, and getting to be present and part of their growth.  It's awesome.

Here's what my wild men have been up to:

We have been reading The Little House on the Prairie and Roman is just so loving that.  Today he created his very own wagon using a wheelbarrow, some rope, and a lawn chair.  He made a "fire" out of branches and he really wants to build a log house.

Roman has been learning (and LOVING) Spanish and then tonight at bedtime I heard Silas in his crib reciting some of Roman's spanish vocab.  So funny to hear his sweet little voice saying "gato" and "caballo".

Roman's current wisdom:
"Sometimes it's hard to stay happy".

Preach it.

That is like the number one thing that is hard to do.

Also, today he was reading his Bible story about God creating Adam and Eve.  He looked ahead to the next page (the Fall) and said "Mom, Adam and Eve look different now".
"How do they look different?", I asked
"Well, their faces look sad now.  They just don't look the same".

I had the humbling expereince of explainging 9/11 to Roman this year.  He saw the American flag hanging over the middle of the street from one of the Fire truck ladders and asked about it.

I am of the mindset that less is more when explainging difficult/adult/tragic things to kids.  I gave a very  brief description and he asked me to tell it again.  he said he was glad he wasn't in New York City that day.  Later at dinner, out of nowhere, he said "I bet there were some babies that died in their mommies' tummies when those towers fell down".


Judah's current favoirte things are:
-looking at food advertisements/coupons in the newspaper.  I should have known that the topic would have to be "food" to get him interested in reading.
-the Veggie Tales movie "Jonah".  He loves to draw Jonah and Kahlil.  He also did a lovely picture of Jonah IN the belly of the whale.

Judah has also taken to calling me by my first name.  Except that he can't really say it (no kids ever can) and most of the time it comes out with a little bit of a southern accent "Hey, Ruffann".  It's funny and yet annoying because, HI, I'm mom.  remember?  You came out of me.  Have a heart, kid.

When Judah sees that the sun has risen in the morning he says "Outside is up, mom!"

One morning I was kissing him and he said "No more kisses, mom.  Judah's need a break".

Silas continues to be super sweet although we are definitely 2 now and have more whining and tantrums than we used to.  His favorite thing to say to his brothers is "don't fodder me" which = don't bother me.  So funny.

He has also started meowing when he is forced to do something he doesn't want to do.  Show me that one in the parenting books.

He is a squirmy wormy during Mass right now.  Helpful (and hoarder) big brother Roman always brings him prayer cards after he comes back from children's church.  (I realy need to write an apology letter to whoever purchases those things.  We have probably stock-piled hundreds of dollars worth).  Silas was looking at one of the cards Roman brought him and Joe said "Who's that?"  Silas responded "Pope Francis".  Later in the Mass he dropped it and screamed "MY POPE!"

A word you'll often hear Silas say:  "super".  Everything is "super fun" or "super yum".

When we are driving, and we turn onto our street, he says "I found my house, mom!"

The other night, Silas had a bad dream.  At breakfast Joe was asking him what his dream was about.
Roman:  "Was it a lion?"
Silas:  "No"
Judah:  "Was it a raccoon?"
Silas:  "No.  There was a ladybug gettig my toes!"

That's all for now, folks.  En


BLOGGER finally doesn't hate me.

Ok, I promise that I tried to post about a month ago but Blogger decided that it hated me for a few days.  Just wouldn't let me type in this text box at all.  Anyway, I'll add the post that I wrote a month ago soon, but today I just have to vent.

I am not entirely sure what is happening around here, but the you-know-what has hit the fan.

Last week we learned that we have to put thousands of dollars into the house we still own in Iowa.  So, that's fun.  We have been renting it out and that's what we will continue to do this year.  But first, we will spend thousands of dollars on repairs and updates.  Which is perfect, because I always wanted to put tons of money into a house that we will never live in again.

BUT, we have the money to do it.  We have been blessed with a job that has provided the opportunity to build our savings.  We may not be using the money on what we thought we would, or what we wanted to, but we have it.  This is nothing more than grace.  There was a time when we could barely pay rent on our two bedroom apartment, when we owned one car, and used a calculator in the grocery store so as not to exceed our small budget.

A few days ago, we had to relace our septic pump.  Luckily, we got it replaced before there were any yucky ramifications, but I'll tell ya, those babies are not cheap.

Yesterday, Judah broke the windshield in our van.  With his HEAD.  I don't even know.  HOW does one accomplish that??  He was just standing in front of the front seat jumping up and down excitedly telling me something...smacked his head up into the windshield, and suddenly a snowflake appeared.  He didn't even cry so he's definitely not hurt.  But SERIOUSLY.  In all honesty, I believe there must have been a chip there to start with.

Thank you God, for giving my child a hard head.

Today Roman broke the window in his room.  With his foot.  Don't worry, he's fine.
And also, take me to therapy now.

When I called Joe this morning to tell him about the window, he said "I cannot believe this week".

How many panes of glass can be broken by a small band of brothers over the course of a few days?  I don't even want to know the answer.  Maybe I'll leave Silas in his crib this afternoon, so as to preserve all the windows that are apparently in danger.

So, in summary, everything is broken.  All the boys are miraculously uninjured.  And God always makes a way.

Just in case you were wondering what we are up to.