This One's for You...

Well, I don't even know if she reads my blog...but if she does, she'll know this post is for her.

We always end up having these late night chats, she and I. It's usually online. It' usually when I should be sleeping. It's usually something insightful. And she usually doesn't even know it.

She is wise beyond her years.

Tonight I tell her that I have been where she is. I tell her that as I look back on my 25 years, I wish I would have slowed down to enjoy each phase. No, not even necessarily enjoy...because life is hard and messy and frustrating and painful and tragic...and sometimes you just can't find joy. There is a time to weep.

I wish I would have made the effort to find contentment in each stage of my life.

Contentment.

It's hard concept to grasp in a culture that finds little to no value in anything that's not instant and/or self-gratifying.

Contentment.

To me, it's not so much a thing or a feeling... or even a state-of-being.

Contentment has a name: Jesus.

So, what I really should have said to this sweet girl is "I wish I would have looked for Jesus in every stage of my life".

I should have looked for Him in each person I loved and in each person I despised. I would have seen Him in both.

I should have looked for Him in every situation - good and bad. I would have seen that He was waiting to show up and prove His faithfulness.

I should have looked for Him in the laughter and in the tears. I would have seen that God has a plan to bring us hope, and that sometimes devastating things happen anyway. No matter the circumstance, though, He stays the same.

I should have looked for Him in the dark places, where I thought surely He was nowhere to be found. I would have seen that sometimes that's where I can see His face the most clearly.

I should have looked for Him when all was right in the world, when I didn't think I needed Him so much. I would have seen that he is the giver of everything good and perfect; He is the Alpha.

I should have looked for Him when I thought He was disappointed in me. I would have seen that I am His and that nothing can separate us.

Let me make one thing clear. Contentment is not the same thing as ignorance. It doesn't mean that we turn a blind eye to all the suffering in our lives or all the disasters raging around us. It means we accept the pleasure and the pain, the blessings and the trials, for what they are. It means that we rejoice in knowing the One who ordained each moment before there was time.

I should have looked. I would have seen.

1 Tim 6:6-7 But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it

I would have seen Him.

Psalm 119:57, 114 You are my portion, O LORD...You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word

I would have found Contentment Himself.

Philippians 4:12-13 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

R-O-M-A-N

One of Roman's favorite things to do is play with magnets on trays or cookie sheets. He is also getting really good at letter recognition. So, today I sat him down with the magnets and put the letter R on the bottom of the tray and asked if he could find the rest of the letters in his name. I knew that he could verbally spell his name, but I was impressed to see that he could pick the letters out and put them in the right order. Good job, Roman!

The Park with the Boys

Here's a little glimpse into what it is like to take my two to the park:

Today I got the boys loaded into the stroller and announced that we were going for a walk...to the park. Of course Roman was very excited, and Judah wore his usual laid back expression. :)

We started down the street, discussing the trees, birds, sky, cars, etc until we were about a block away from the park. It was then that I heard the sounds...sounds of a bus full of children at the park.

Uh 0h.

I didn't really want to try to keep track of Roman and keep Judah from eating rocks with another 30 kids to distract us. So, we headed in the opposite direction to a different park. It was a longer walk to a park with not as much equipment, but we were all glad to be out and about on such a beautiful day. Roman kept repeating what I had said to him "We'll just go to a different park."

And asking at each new block if the plan was still the same... "We're gonna walk to another park, mommy? We'll just go to a different park."

We discussed our rules for the park as we approached the playground.

I steered the stroller over the bumpy ground, unfastened the buckles, and set them free. (Well, I let Roman run over to the teeter totter, but I put Judah in the baby swing right away. He is happy as a clam for a good half an hour in a swing...just talking away and smiling ear to ear the whole time. He can't quite say "whee", so when I push him he coos "eeee" in a high pitched voice.

Roman keeps running across the park, to the teeter totter, to the swing...and back...and back to the swing. He keeps asking me to give him a "dog under". :)

We run and laugh, and play and sweat. We tickle, talk, and hug.

It is in these moments that I know memories are being made.



(disclaimer: naptime was not so picture perfect...but we'll take what we can get! :))

1000 Gifts (12)

221. Roman kneeling right in the middle of the church aisle, arms raised in adoration
222. sipping on a glass of wine
223. the galloping daddy and laughing boy on his back
224. the words that God speaks in the silence of my heart: "Stop doing my job".
225. the chance to finally return a favor
226. how Judah LOVES dogs
227. how Roman is still a little timid around dogs...but he's getting so much better!
228. beautiful flowers and a sweet Mother's Day note from my boys!
229. graduating seniors that give me hope for the future
230. awesome concerts - i.e. Chasen and Kutless!!
231. when I realized the trials I have faced in life have prepared me to love someone else through the same situation
232. Jeremiah 29:11
233. the way Judah needs to come back to me for a hug every few minutes while we play
234. that God is good. All the time. No matter what else is happening around us, God is good.
235. the freedom to live simply
236. that I get to take Roman to Sesame Street Live!! Thanks, Mom!
237. childbirth - the more I talk about it/experience it/have friends that experience it, the more I LOVE it. It's so miraculous and I love the anticipation and the beauty of the whole experience. Maybe someday I'll be a doula or something. :)
238. Roman and Judah "getting" each other...which really means running around and laughing
239. raindrops sprinkling the windshield...wipers pushing them into one long stream running down the side
240. free shed for our yard

1000 Gifts (11)

201. lessons hard learned
202. the feeling of dough rolling under kneading hands
203. circumstances that remind me how important my job is and how purposefully living each day as a stay-at-home mom is fulfilling exactly what God is calling me to do
204. Intercessors of the Lamb
205. shopping getaway with the girls!
206. cuddles with my boys
207. sleepy eyes
208. trees swaying and bending in the wind...their whispering act of worship
209. a new niece or nephew to love! Congrats Jim and Chelsey!!
210. Roman and Judah in the crib together, erupting in laughter
211. miracles
212. God's perfect timing. Even when we don't see it that way.
213. Fr. Richmond
214. people who are brave enough to embark on a completely new life endeavor
215. sitting on the couch with Roman watching Joe mow the lawn
216. Judah's scrunched up smile and crazy top teeth
217. how Roman still asks me to sing O Come, O Come, Emmanuel every night
218. Watching Judah figure out how to put blocks together
219. sunny afternoons at the park
220. warm summer evenings...just as the sky begins to darken