Weakness

I have been feeling like a bad mom rather inadequate this week. Do you ever get in those slumps? The ones where you feel like you're just trying to "make it through" your day? Where surviving with a few ounces of sanity becomes the goal?

I hate feeling that way.

But, the reality is that it happens. Maybe it's just to me, but I'm guessing that some other people have felt this way before.

I could make a thousand excuses for myself - the boys haven't been sleeping as well now that they share a room, and I am 8 months pregnant and tired, and it's been so cold that we coudn't play outside and I'm crazy emotional about nothing most days, and I just need more "me" time, and on and on and on...

But I have come to realize that excuses don't change anything. I said that I hate getting to the end of my day and feeling like I haven't been purposeful, like I haven't enjoyed the little moments. If I hate it, then what has to change in order for me to change?

Not that some of those things don't factor into making a stressful day, but most of my problem right now is that I have been horribly inconsistent about having my God time. Meaning, it hasn't happened all week. How am I supposed to be giving my children good, Godly parenting when I'm not receiving it myself?

The real heart of the problem is not any of the exhausting things about having little boys. The heart of the problem is that my heart is not in the right place. I am trying and trying to make our house run smoothly and be a good mom and feel like we accomplished something by the end of the day.

But It's not about me.

If I want to give my boys love...true love...Love Himself, then it's about time to realize that this whole journey or parenting and family is about Him. I will never be capable of doing it all and doing it perfectly. The key is surrender. Because His power is made perfect in my weakness.

How freeing!

I don't want to miss out on the right nows...even the times when I feel like I can't possibly say "Judah, please don't climb that" in a nice way one more time. Because they are only little once. And I know there will come a day when I will miss saying that.

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And how about you, dear friends, what do you do to ensure that you spend a purposeful day being truly present with your kiddos?